What Time?

Guy: What time is it? 
Other Guy: Time for you to get a watch! OHHH! 
Guy: Time for you to get a new joke.

More Girls

A nerd sitting down on his chair... "Badass" bully comes up 
Bully : Hey nerd! I have 10 times more girls than you have! 
Nerd : *Thinks of comeback..* 10 times 0 is 0, I guess we have the same amount of girls!

Disgusting

Friend: Eww, disgusting! 
Me: Did you look in the mirror again?

Bully & Wimp

Bully is provoking a wimpy kid 
Bully: Hit me! 
Wimp: NO! 
Bully: Hit me! 
Wimp: NO! 
Bully: Hit me! 
Wimp: I don't know where you are from, but in this country we don't believe in hitting little girls.

Chewing

My teacher asked me the first day of school, "Are you chewing?" I said, "No, Chewing is probably one these exchange students, my name is Michael."

DONUTS

Police officer: You know why I pulled you over?

Me: *points at donuts* Because you smelt these.

Guest are Comin'

Mum: Go clean you room, guest are coming!
Child: I thought they were having dinner downstairs, NOT in my room.

MAKE your bed!!

Mom: Make your bed, Mike! 
Me: Why I have to make it if Im going to sleep in it again? 
Mom: Why do I feed you If I know your just going to die? 
Me: Good point. Lesson Learned.

Talking Back

Teacher: Are you talking back to me? 
Me: Yes, wouldn't it be rude if I didn't?

No one Cares!

Teacher: " What do you call a person who talks about things no one cares about? "
You: " A teacher. "

Vegetables

Mom: "Eat your vegetables." 
Kid: "I hate vegetables!" 
Mom: "But they like you." 
Kid: "That's because I don't eat them!"

Hear Talking!!!

Teacher: Why do I hear talking?
Me: Because you have ears!
Class: OOOOHHHHH!!!!!

Failed a Test

Teacher: You failed your test. 
Me: You failed to educate me.

Yes, please

*At a restaurant*
Waiter - "Would you like a table?"
Me - "No, not at all, we came here to eat on the floor. Carpet for 5 please.

I AM BEAUTIFUL

Teacher: 'I am beautiful.' What tense is this? 
Me: Past tense obviously.

So Quiet

"Why are you so quiet?" 
Me: "Well, nobody plans a murder out loud, do they?"

End of the Ruler

Me: Mum i got a detention today
Mum: Why!
Me: Well the teacher pointed the ruler at me and said "at the end of this ruler is a idiot".
Mum: Yeah so
Me: I asked what end.