Rudolph the Red Nose Raindeer

A man and his wife were sitting at a table by the window. The man's name is Rudolph, and since he was Russian, people call him "Rudolph the Red." Rudolph looked out the window and said to his wife, "Oh look honey, it's raining outside." She looks out as well and said, "No, I think that  is snow." He looks at her and said, "Rudolph the Red knows rain dear."

Defense, Detail, Defeat

A school teacher asked her 6th grade class to construct a sentence with the words: defense, detail, and defeat.
There was a pause before a pupil raised his hand and said he could make a sentence with them;
"The cow jumped over defense and detail went over defeat."

Give it to me straight, Doc.

A man hasn't been feeling well so he goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. Afterwards, the doctor came out with the results.
"I'm afraid I have some very bad news," the doctor said. "You're dying and you don't have much time left."
"Oh, that's terrible!" said the man. "Give it to me straight, Doc. How long have I got?"
"Ten," the doctor said sadly.
"Ten?" the man asked, "Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?!"
"Nine..."

Three Equals Four

Theorem:
3 = 4
Suppose: 
a+b = c
This can be written as: 
4a - 3a + 4b - 3b = 4c - 3c
After reorganizing:
4a + 4b + 4c = 3a+ 3b + 3c
Take the constants into brackets:
4 (a+b+c) = 3 (a+b+c)
Remove like terms from left and right:
4 = 3

Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, Nobody

This is a story about 4 people names Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody. There was an important job to be done and Everybody was asked to do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody's job. Everybody though Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everyone wouldn't do it. Consequently, it wound up that Nobody told Anybody, and Everybody blamed Somebody.

Half to death

What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?

Payments

If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments

Wrong lane

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane

Curtains

A woman walks into a computer shop and ask for curtains for her computer. The salesman was surprised and asked why she needed curtains for her computer. She replied, "Halo! I've got Windows!"

3 Old Ladies

3 old ladies are eating dinner, chatting about various things. One lady says, "You know, I'm getting really forgetful. This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs and I couldn't remember whether I had just come up or was about to go down." "You think that's bad?" The second lady replied. "The other day, I was sitting on the edge of my bed and I couldn't remember whether I was going to bed or had just woken up!" The third lady smiles smugly. "Well, my memory's just as good as it's always been, known on wood." She taps the table. With a startled look on her face, she asks, "Who's there?!"