Three Equals Four

Theorem:
3 = 4
Suppose: 
a+b = c
This can be written as: 
4a - 3a + 4b - 3b = 4c - 3c
After reorganizing:
4a + 4b + 4c = 3a+ 3b + 3c
Take the constants into brackets:
4 (a+b+c) = 3 (a+b+c)
Remove like terms from left and right:
4 = 3

Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, Nobody

This is a story about 4 people names Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody. There was an important job to be done and Everybody was asked to do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody's job. Everybody though Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everyone wouldn't do it. Consequently, it wound up that Nobody told Anybody, and Everybody blamed Somebody.

Half to death

What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?

Payments

If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments

Wrong lane

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane

Curtains

A woman walks into a computer shop and ask for curtains for her computer. The salesman was surprised and asked why she needed curtains for her computer. She replied, "Halo! I've got Windows!"

3 Old Ladies

3 old ladies are eating dinner, chatting about various things. One lady says, "You know, I'm getting really forgetful. This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs and I couldn't remember whether I had just come up or was about to go down." "You think that's bad?" The second lady replied. "The other day, I was sitting on the edge of my bed and I couldn't remember whether I was going to bed or had just woken up!" The third lady smiles smugly. "Well, my memory's just as good as it's always been, known on wood." She taps the table. With a startled look on her face, she asks, "Who's there?!"

Skydiving

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!

Waking Her

A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. "You'll get your chance in court," said the Desk Sergeant. 
"No, no, no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"

Finish & Complete

People say that there is no difference between ‘finished’ and ‘complete’. 
I say there is..... 
Marry the right person, and you’re ‘complete’ 
Marry the wrong person, and you’re ‘finished’

Horsies

The London Racetrack needs to submit its 3 fastest horses to the Kentucky Derby out of 25 horses. 
However, all of their information was lost and they don't know any of the horse's times. Similarly, they all look identical so they can't remember who's fastest. 
They can only race 5 horses at once, so what is the fewest number of races they can conduct to find the 3 fastest horses?